Silver Linings and Shit

So this past year was a beautiful mess. I lost my first fight, a girl I loved changed, and bonds were broken that can’t ever really be fixed. I had a lot of growing up to do last year. Thankfully I survived.

One of the most important things I learned to do was trust my intuition. On top of that I learned to be a lot more objective about things.

For instance: If someone has a history of losing it’s safe to say that isn’t the person to learn how to win from. I’m just saying if they knew how to do it don’t you think they’d have done it?

For years I’ve been able to look past people’s glaring flaws to see the best in them even when they’re actually a dog shit human being.

More on that at a later time. I have this whole post floating around in my head about vice and virtue I’m planning on writing when I find the muse.

Thanks to all the trials and tribulations that came this past year I learned to really rely on my own strength and even more so on the strength of the All. I was so exhausted coming into 2018 that I decided that an all inclusive paid training camp in Maryland would be a nice change of events from the daily grind of the Dover DE (remember I had just returned from San Diego California and wasn’t keen on staying in DE too long). So I opted in and left my co-camp (302 BJJ) for the majority of the (5/6 weeks) training camp. Things were okay their but due to injury of Micah Terrill and overall lack of dedicated training partners I wasn’t really getting the hard sparring that I needed and grew way to over confident in my pure ability while out there. Micah would have been the perfect sparring partner for me due to his style being very similar to my opponents but due to his ACL tear we couldn’t work.

On top of the fact that I was depressed for the majority of camp because the girl I loved moved to Florida, so overall experience really didn’t lend it self to a stellar performance. And it wasn’t I lost. And in my opinion it was bad. I got clipped, hurt, rocked, cut, embarrassed, etc.

The silver lining I guess was that I learned short of killing me there’s no way you’re taking me out in the cage. My spirit carried me through and that’s something I can count on the rest of my life.

I also learned to trust myself. Had I done my training camp “my” way things certainly would have been different. No excuses though on that night Caesar fought the better fight and hats off to him for that. I really learned to appreciate and embrace he loss. Keeping it all the way one hundred with you makes me feel cooler. Like Ruroni Kenshin in a way. Kenshin wouldn’t be Kenshin without his scar; so there’s that.

All in all I’m grateful. The loss helped reinforce that feeling and now I feel a lot better than I did before that day on a consistent basis.

Another thing the loss taught me was that people are fake. I like to think about 80% of them. That’s Pareto’s principal and it holds true here. You start to see people true color when your down and out. You see who still hits you up and responds to your texts. It was really surreal to be honest. The weirdest thing to me was the sense of happiness a lot of people got from seeing me fall. I think that sickening feeling really fueled my new growth. Again the silver lining here was I learned to really focus in on the real one in my life (Dr. Thomas, Mrs. Mayan, Coach Fogan) to name a few. Thank you guys for being a solid foundation of constant love and reassurance even from the distance.

Back to the new gym change. It’s still fresh and I have a history of things being short lived but for some reason I have a different feeling about this change. So I’m not going to get into the details of the reasons behind me leaving 302 but one of the coaches was talking shit about me even after shaking my hand and agreeing to put things in the past. It wasn’t Earl and that’s all you need to know. We split amicably. The other coach though: fuck that guy. On God. I ain’t gonna breath any life into him though. So yeah I’m not with the fake shit so I had to split.

And with that said I headed south west to one of the best gyms in the world. It’s a farther drive but the climate and experience make up for it. I get the chance to train under the tutelage of Master Lloyd Irvin who’s coached the likes of Dominic Cruz, Phil Davis, and more recently the break our rookies of the 2018 in the UFC in James Vick’s, and Sodiq Usef. His BJJ credentials are legendary as well having to my knowledge the most successful competition team in the history of the world. They win everything. So needless to say this is going to be an excellent incubator for my skill set. I say incubator because I plan to spend the next 6 months to a year just training lightly while I finish up my bachelors degree. Before heading out there to train full time.

P.S. I learned to stop loving these hoes.

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